Back to Cali

I spent two weeks back home in Wisconsin for the holidays. So nice to be near family and friends. The downside is- coming back to California. I know I'm not supposed to feel so horrible about coming back here but... most of the time it feels like the only thing I have here is my fiance. He on the other hand has a great job. One that he loves. At this great job he meets great people and feels challenged and useful every day. He makes an income and he enjoys the town because he's found his place. My place on the other hand is at home holed up in our apartment.
To top things off- surprisingly enough- EVERYTHING costs money. Like.... everything. I could take a class- but it costs money. I could join a group- but they cost money. I could go up to Sequoia but I don't have a hiking partner AND.... gas in my car (wait for it....) costs money.
Money is not a big deal until you don't have it. And I for one- don't have it.
I have some income- I'm blessed with working on some marketing stuff online. Which is great and gives me the ability to pay off some of my bills but only some of them. The rest- I'm dependent on my fiance. Which is also frustrating.
Three years ago (when I was working full time at a good job with a good salary and hadn't yet met my fiance) I would never have dreamed of giving up my goals for a man. Now that I'm where I am- I wouldn't trade him for a career, but sometimes its hard to see him take steps forward and feel like I'm taking steps back.